


i said i'd be alright (but i guess not <3)

by Anonymous



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Ficlet, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, References to Depression, this is literally just a vent fic that i regurgitated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:15:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29581506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Tommy ponders the weather in exile, childhood memories, and how much he fucking hates the rain.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5
Collections: Anonymous





	i said i'd be alright (but i guess not <3)

**_'Feels like God’s been upset all night long_ **

**_Rain won’t stop pouring_ **

**_So my shirt just won’t dry off_ **

**_But I’m inside’_ **

Tommy hadn't ever felt like a human.

It sounded odd in theory, but between the rainbow bruising that painted his skin which pulled taut between bones that were far too ancient for a teenager, and saccharine sweet promises that oozed coyly from twisted lips, he just _knew_.

The first thing to come to mind when people thought of childhood memories would most likely be something mundane like the sound of laughter on a beach. Somewhere that you would never visit again- yet, it remains burrowed down in a carved out portion of your heart.

Not for Tommy. _Never for Tommy._

His earliest memory that he could recall was less of an image or a sound and more of a distorted wall of emotion: terror, sadness, and the strongest of all- shame.

There was something inherently shameful about being dumped into an alley at the ripe age of three, even if at that age he couldn't comprehend it. Unable to decipher the nauseous twisting in his stomach, or why his head felt like it was made out of lead.

It had been raining that night. Air thick with humidity as the rain pelted him with lukewarm darts of rain, an ethereal glow cast across the stone brick with each crack of lightning. Thunder roared through his fragile body, bringing him to his knees as he wailed and shrieked for _please anyone help me please-_

How decidedly inhuman.

 _'Ironic'_ He mused, ' _That after all this fucking time I'm out in the rain. Again.'_

Three days.

Three whole fucking days since Tubbo- 

With a harsh hiss, he threw his head back to thunk against the trunk of the oak he was resting against. He couldn't let himself fall back into the familiar trap of wallowing, it only made the fuzziness of his mind worse. As soon as the pounding of rain had let up, he could get to work trying to build a somewhat presentable shelter.

_'If only Ghostbur didn't bloody melt in the rain…'_

As if the ghost could read his mind, Ghostbur turned his head to meet Tommy's eyes, his vacant gaze boring into Tommy’s own. Nothing of Wilbur remained in that gaze, where a smouldering fire once had burned was now just a pool of empty regret, a constant reminder of Tommy’s greatest failure. 

Letting Wil die.

Tommy quickly snapped his gaze away, hunching further into the ratty old coat that Ghostbur had pulled from the depths of his bag and draped over Tommy. If he dug his nose into it deep enough, he could almost smell the faded scent of Wilbur’s old cologne, almost completely overpowered by the stench of gunpowder and metal. There were still patches of blood on the coat that had never been washed off, staining the brown material a rust like color. How morbid that all Tommy had left of his late brother were flakes of dried blood, caught under his fingernails.

“ _Are you alright, Tommy?_ ”

That fucking voice.

Distantly, he felt himself shaking. Someone was screaming- _wait_ , was he screaming? Wilbur’s face was staring up at his, hazy through the hot tears misting his eyes. _Wilbur?- no, that can’t be right- Ghostbur?_ Where Tommy’s hands would’ve wrapped tight around skin, sinew, and muscle, they scratched at thin air. Cold white eyes gazed back at him, the quiet sizzling of his tears on Ghostbur’s skin barely audible past the thundering rain.

_“You have to let go.”_

**_‘Now I’m just like you cause_ **

**_I said I’d be alright_ **

**_But I guess not’_ **

**Author's Note:**

> based off the song eaJ - guess not


End file.
